Uncle Bob and Dan the Man (In-Explicit Content)

1:44 PM, Padova - So for my birthday Uncle Bob and Dan the Man decided to send me a package with a handful of "useful" items and list of clues in which I need to match them.
Now as a rule of thumb, I usually do not post/discuss anything that Uncle Bob has been involved with out of respect for the innocence of others, but since they have given me the rules and told me if I matched them up correctly they would send me more... I feel obligated. And I just want to.
Ok so here are The Clues:

A. Stress reliever - This was kind of dificult, right off the bat. I had to choose between a popular "American" magazine and a little squishy toy from the cemetary Uncle Bob works at. I choose the squishy light-bulb.
B. Pumba's actual edible snack - Easy. A box of bugs. (Fruit snacks)
C. If you share a bathroom, your roommates will appreciate this - A scented banana muffin candle. Mmmm. I will, too.
D. Sticks to the roof of your mouth (double dose) - Two HUGE barrels of peanut butter. I can eat for the rest of the year now!
E. Danny loves to make/eat this - Puppy chow. Steve loves that stuff, too.
F. Limits time on the shtooper - This has got to be my lactose pills. Thanks guys!
G. What Dad wants/reads - Log Homes Illustrated. I am still debating on which on is my favorite. I need more time.
H. Never Happened - This one stumped me. But after process of elimination I came to the conclusion it was the World Series ticket. At first I thought 'real funny guys' but then I looked at it and saw it was from Game 6 - which never happened. Well now I can say I have a ticket for game 6 of the 2006 World Series!
I. Considered an airline weapon - Pocket knife. I can't tell you how much this would've came in handy this year. Thanks.
J. What America reads - Thanks to Hugh.
K. Don't let Kristy see an opened box when you come home for Christmas! - In Italiano, preservativi.
L. Good party munchie--tradition at Tiger's games - Planter's nuts. Score.
M. Jot a few things down here - A notepad in the shape of a coffin that says "Last Writes" at the top. Haha.
N. A World Series giveaway (that you weren't able to receive) - Tiger Towel! Go Tigs!
O. Just in case you forgot where you were born – They sent me two bookmarks with American flags and the Pledge of Allegiance on them. God Bless America. Though Dan, I still am not sure where I was born. – I think it was Southfield…

And that’s the end of the game. Thanks for alllll the stuff you guys sent. It was hilarious opening it all up in the Study Center with Dave & Co. I can’t wait to get home for Christmas and see everyone, - Not too much longer! But I reallllly have to get back to work. K ciao.